Rishi Sunak
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Sunak: We’ve been sh*t the last 14 years but now we are going to do better

Having presided over 14 years of a shrinking economy, massive tax hikes, rocketing cost of living, crumbling infrastructure, rivers full of shit, corporations not paying tax and a myriad of other issues, Rishi Sunak has suddenly realised that the Tories are the ones who should fix things.

Having suffered two recent by-election defeats Tories have been trying to figure out what went wrong. In an instant of searing insight, Sunak thought that if they fixed a few things then people might not be so hostile to them. In a statement he announced that “We’ve been shit for 14 years but now are going to do better. Please vote for us. Pretty please “.

Please vote for us. Pretty please

Keir Starmer is said to be furious as he had planned to use the Pretty Please gambit. Is he now exploring the feasibility and legal ramifications of doing a pinky promise with everybody in the country. As soon as he has a policy that he can commit to then he will do it.

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