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  • Scottish sunburn case causes emergency unit confusion
    A woman was admitted to the Dunfermline Accident and Emergency unit with a report of sunburn. The unit was thrown into chaos as nobody had experience with the condition. An enquiry regarding resources has been announced. ~ET
  • Ginger bloke runs the length of Africa with out exploding
    Russ Cook has completed an astounding challenge to run the length of Africa. Despite being ginger he completed the 16,400km run without exploding in the sun once. The 27 year old ultrarunne, dubbed the ‘Hardest Geezer’, completed the run on Monday. ~ET
  • Texas eclipse; aftermath
    Limited communication has been re-established with Texas. Earlier reports of raptures, human sacrifices and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have been denied. Warnings of faceless men and tentacled things are being shared. ~KK
  • Texas eclipse; chaos and casualties
    The eclipse has just reached totality in Texas. With communication systems affected, the available news is limited. Reports are coming in of mass raptures, human sacrifices and sightings of the four horsemen. ~KK
  • Eclipse 2024; drivers warned of possible road chaos
    As there seems to be a risk of Christians rapturing while driving leaving their vehicles in motion drivers are warned to get off the roads during the totality event. ~ET
  • Eclipse 2024; Christians warned insurance policies void if they rapture
    Insurance companies in the USA have warned Christians that their life insurance policies do not cover rapture. Their families might be at risk of hardship if they don’t all rapture together. ~ET

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