Now that Sunak has managed the longest premiership for 16 months it is time for the Tory party to replace him. They have tried total incompetence. They have tried someone with actual ability. What is there left?
A three-legged cucumber?
Former Cabinet Minister Sir Simon Clarke thinks he has gained relevance by having a Sir stuck on the beginning of his name, much like Lord Buckethead is a seasoned politician. Simon Buckethead thinks it is time to drop Sunak to make everyone love the Tory party again. Of course it will not work but do not let that spoil their plans.
With so much talent to draw on, an online poll had difficulty coming up with contenders.
The lettuce
Who can forget that cheeky chappy, lettuce. His resounding tenure that outstripped Truss and left her coughing and wheezzing in the dust as he roared ahead. Truss is famously tetchy about the whole lettuce saga.
While Lenny the Lettuce is now an Associate Professor at the Wellingborough School of Economics, he has indicated he would serve if called on. What a guy!
That epic fart I let rip last week
Ben from Croydon is absolutely adamant that the fart he let rip in a lift last week has more ability than all the Tories put together. While he is usually one for stealthy farts, he is happy to put his bum trumpet at the service of the people.
A three-legged cucumber
This got a lot of votes but did leave a lot of people perplexed. When asked Mia from Burton-upon-Trent explained that whenever she did something daft as a girl her mum would say that she was as much use as a three-legged cucumber. That makes sense.
A chocolate teapot
Well it was pretty obvious that this might come up. So let’s have a video of a chocolate teapot…
Lee Anderson
Bigoted, obnoxious, punching down on the less fortunate, ignorant and lacking in any empathy. Perhaps he is the perfect choice.