Following on from the ban on beer at the stadiums the Qatari authorities are introducing wide ranging bans icluding Neil Sedaka songs.
Qatari ruler Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani said: “Look guys, we don’t like anyone having kind of fun really. That’s the sort of thing we do on holidays in Europe”.
Any form of musical expression, which includes renditions of “Sweet Caroline” will attract on the spot fines. Saad Bin Jassim Al Khulaifi, Director of Public Security, confirmed that he had a deep hatred of Neil Sedaka and everything he stood for. He was thought to mutter “looks like a twat in that white jumpsuit”.
To prevent any risk of public displays of affection between men and women, even if they are married, will be segregated at the venues. After being guided to separate entrances at the stadiums, the women will be directed to the car park where they will be put on coaches and taken to participate in activities suitable to the fairer sex such as cooking, cleaning and gazing adorably at pictures of their husbands. Women are advised to have a photo of their husband with them at all times.
All pork product related words are banned. You may think that idiot on the coach is a gammon, but whatever you do don’t call him that.
Remember, David Beckham wants you to have a good time. He is. He said “some people are criticising me for taking the money, but they don’t understand. It is really nice rolling in wads of cash”. The reports that Victoria Beckham is designing a clothing range based on fabrics printed with bank notes on have not been confirmed, or made.