Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury
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Archbishop of Canterbury appointed immigration tsar

Now that the Church of England has a pivotal role in deciding which immigrants get to remain in the UK it is inevitable that Justin Welby has become the immigration tsar. His one dunk and you’re in policy might be controversial but it has it’s benefits.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, is said to be surprised by the announcement that came last night. He is thought to be waiting for confirmation from the head of the Church of England, King Charles. An off the record briefing has suggested that King Charles has commented “Seems worth a try. The church can’t bollocks it up worse than the Tories”.

“The church can’t bollocks it up worse than the Tories”

It is hoped that the church can manage to get the delays in processing migrants reduced from the ridiculously long time that is occurring under the shambolic government management.

Of course no church minister can read the minds of the people who come to them for baptism, although Tories have the power of telepathy and can read people’s minds. Or so they like to think. Church ministers are sort of required to take anything they are told in good faith unless they have compelling evidence to the contrary. They do not have investigative powers

Tim Loughton MP, who is not known for any awareness or knowledge of what goes on in churches, has been criticising churches for baptising immigrants. He has implied that all immigrants are the same and that if one of them has had a baptism with cynical intent then they have all been cynical. As he relies on reductive thinking ideas such as people may have travelled vast distances under perilous conditions because they have not been able to explore their faith freely would not enter his mind.

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