Greggs closed – state of emergency announced

The closure of a large number of Greggs outlets has led to fears of unrest and rioting. Large numbers of people disorientated without their fix of bland meat mush in soggy pastry.

There has been a meeting of the government’s COBRA committee which has co-ordinated responses from a range of services. As the streets fill up with people disoriented by their inability to get their fix of mediocre and luke warm pastry products, the Police have put crowd control measures in place. At the moment there is no unrest.

One officer commented, “they all just look sad and confused really. You can see them returning to the locked doors again and again. They just can’t move on with their lives”. There is a serious concern that if the stores remain closed for too long there would be overwhelming numbers of Greggs customers joining a zombie-like mass of people trudging relentlessly around towns and villages. The sheer number of people could result in incidents.

The problems have been caused by a glitch in the store till systems leaving them unable to take payments.

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