SUV drivers: misunderstood mothers or total tools?

From the early days of the Chelsea Tractors these behemoths have grown in size and numbers, but has the driving ability of the drivers improved?

in February 2021 44% of all new car registrations were SUVs, and in October 2021 74% of SUVs were registered to addresses in cities. Kensington and Chelsea have the highest density of SUVs.

So there are a lot of them about, and most are nowhere near a mountain track or a field. They are most likely to be found in a supermarket car park or on the school run. Research has shown that 87% of SUV drivers in the last year have had a spray tan, botox treatment, hair extensions or collagen treatment. They are also likely to have at least one child at preschool or primary school. In short they are a bunch of mothers.

It would be too easy to characterise SUV drivers is total tools, so here goes.

What sort of person would buy a ridiculously large car with extremely poor fuel efficiency? An over privileged tool who wants to make sure everybody knows they are too rich to worry about money.

What sort of person buys a car with poor fuel efficiency? A selfish tool who wants everybody to know they are too self-important to worry about the environment. They can always afford to eat, and move somewhere else if the climate doesn’t suit them any more.

What sort of person buys a heavy car that has a front perfectly designed to inflict maximum harm to pedestrians and cyclists just to drive to supermarkets? A sociopathic tool with zero conscience.

if you own an SUV, stop being a tool. Owning an SUV does not make you an interesting or adventurous person. A trip to Center Parcs is hardly the Serengeti.

And here’s a tip, when in car parks don’t be a total tool and park between the lines. If you are one of those knobs who parks across two bays to stop people parking near you and damaging your car, be aware that you are more likely to come back and find the side of your car keyed.

In short SUV owners are total tools.

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