Just going to a restaurant, selecting some food from the menu, eating it while having a glass or two of wine is fine for some people. However it does not make a memorable evening for the other diners and the staff. Take it up a notch or five and get the appreciation and adulation of everybody in the restaurant.
To take best advantage of the opportunities you need to be observant and flexible.
Waiting staff
If you are in a restaurant with table service there are lots of opportunities to enliven the evening.
The Manuel routines
All self-respecting boomers will be familiar with Fawlty Towers and the hapless waiter Manuel from Barcelona. Written by former comedian John Cleese (now a right wing ranter), Manuel was the butt of bullying and lazy stereotyping.
Male waiters will enjoy the fun when you call them Manuel. Ask them how Barcelona is. The trademark blank expression on their face will show they are joining in on the fun. Follow this up with loudly and slowly calling ‘Barcelona? How is Barcelona?’ Other lines they will enjoy are ‘don’t mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it’, ‘que?’ and ”For someone called Manuel, you’re looking terribly ill…’’. When you know they are fully in on the fun by the perplexed expression you can slap them on the forehead.
General banter
Waiting staff live for a bit of banter. Young waitresses are all single and especially enjoy banter with a frisson of flirting. When she asks you what you would like, well the options are wide open… ‘you when you are done here’, ‘some muff….in, no chicken BREAST, or perhaps something finger licking good’ or go all out with ‘you on my face’. Let the good times roll!
With waiters you might take a different approach, or not. Tried and trusted responses to what you want include ‘something hot, like your wife’ and ‘not that shit you served last time’.
Fellow diners
There are a few reliable tricks for entertaining fellow diners. The ‘When Harry met Sally’ diner scene is loved by everyone. Doesn’t matter if you are a bloke or a girl, loudly pretending to have an orgasm while banging the table will have everyone in stitches. If there is a young girl on an adjacent table, lean over to one of the parents and ask ‘how much for the little girl?’. This scene from the Blues Brothers will brighten up their evening.
The Blues Brothers movie is a rich source of restaurant antics. Check it out.
Simulating oral sex with any suitable food items will bring smiles all round.
Now go and book a restaurant table and send us your videos.
Bon appetite.