Man who chewed crayons through school years demands his opinions be taken seriously

Every school class has always had at least one child who spent their whole school career chewing crayons or sticking things in to the power sockets. When grown up they take to social media and share their wisdom and opinions.

Rob Erbell paid no attention at school and has no discernible skills or abilities. Left school at 16 and has done various unskilled jobs. He reckons he is a graduate of the University of Life and has wisdom.

Rob Erbell knows that all scientists are the slaves of the World Economic Forum. The only experience of science he has had was trying to boil water in a plastic beaker when told to use a glass one. He also drove past a University once. Of course he insists his opinions are just as valid as anyone else’s even though he has no knowledge of the grant application process, peer review or what the World Economic Forum actually is.

He also knows that man-made climate change is a conspiracy, but will be a little vague on what the purpose of the conspiracy is. When asked specific questions such as about the shrinking ice caps, this will be fobbed off with, how do you know they are telling the truth? They just made it up. The hardest comprehension leap for him is that not everybody in the world is incompetent like he is.

Rob also knows that germs don’t really exist and that diseases are invented by pharmaceutical companies. When anyone mentions things like the bubonic plague in Medieval times, before pharmaceutical companies existed he gets that vacant look and his hand wanders to his trouser pocket to find that favourite crayon to chew. Yellow is the best tasting crayon.

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