They’ve slashed air time and staff from Newsnight.. What next? Sell David Attenborough off? Should the Repair Shop start charging? Push up rent prices in Albert Square? Time to think the unthinkable.
The BBC has to reduce its costs by £500 million. As a start the Newsnight programme is to be cut to a 30 minute interview programme and more than half of its 60 person team is to be cut.
David Attenborough
Other savings being looked at include selling David Attenborough. Cadbury’s have expressed an interest because they think his voice will convince consumers that their chocolate is still worth eating even though Cadbury’s have fucked up the recipe.
The Repair Shop
For too long free loaders have been turning up to get their treasured heirlooms restored. If the heirlooms mean so much then they won’t mind paying for the quality restoration.
Albert Square
Everywhere else people are concerned about rising rents and talking about it. Not so the East Enders. This obviously means that the rents have not been increased for a while so it is time to put them up.
Studio audiences
All the shows that have studio audiences let them come in for free. They get to see fantastic shows for free. What a bunch of freeloaders. A charge of £15 per person for an audience of 500, £7500. With over 1000 studio audience shows a year that could bring in over £7.5 million.
The Cleaner
If Wicky did some real cleaning at the same time he could really… clean up.
Gardener’s World
lf Monty Don put some effort they could make a lot of money selling plants and trimming people’s lawns.