Eli Twonk – The Daily Twerk

Montagu family outside their 16th century manor house. Mother and father with their four children.

Family planning how to survive Mansion Tax

Cutting back on ski trips, lattes and smashed avocados are top of the list. Lee 30p Anderson is helping with meal plans.

By Eli Twonk

December 4, 2025December 4, 2025

Book cover featuring a photo of Donald Trump. Title is Trump the art of the capitulation

General

Trump relaunches his book

Just in time for his Ukrainian peace deal, Trump launches an update of his seminal book with a new title. The Art of the Capitulation.

By Eli Twonk

November 23, 2025November 23, 2025

Entrance to Cameron Barracks army accommodation base. Double black steel gates between sturdy stone pillars. A steel arched sign over the gates carries the name - Cameron Barracks

General

Stick migrants in barracks – no not those ones!

Calls for migrants to be moved from hotels to army camps have been heeded, but folk still are not happy.

By Eli Twonk

November 19, 2025November 19, 2025

Dark Cloudy sky over mountains and hills

General

Aurora UK, whoopty f#cking do

While the rest of the world are sharing stunning aurora photos the UK are pretending they were not that bothered.

By Eli Twonk

November 12, 2025November 12, 2025

A large arched section of a bridge being lowered into place by crane over a river

General

New river bridge in Nottingham cements city’s reputation

For being the most miserable bunch of c*nts in the East Midlands.

By Eli Twonk

November 11, 2025November 12, 2025

Donald Trump speaking at a podium with his right hand raised and pointing. He.is wearing a dark navy blue suit, white shirt and purple tie. — Image licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.

Entertainment

Concocted outrage at editing of a serial liar

The BBC have tied themselves in knots over the edit of a one hour incoherent ramble over a year ago.

By Eli Twonk

November 10, 2025November 10, 2025

Zohran Mamdani adult male with a short beard and short dark hair talking into a microphone with a crowd of people behind him. He is wearing a black jacket

Politics

Mamdani schools shock

Policies for NYC schools to use Arabic numerals, Latin alphabet and Al-Gebra influences in maths. Outrage that he is going too far.

By Eli Twonk

November 9, 2025November 9, 2025

Prince Andrew wearing a grey jacket, white shirt and light blue tie. — Image is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

General

The Windsor formerly known as Prince to drop all names

Having lost all his titles and after pressure from people with the names Andrew or Windsor he has relinquished those as well.

By Eli Twonk

November 2, 2025November 2, 2025

Fireworks of various colours against a night sky

General

Bloke angry about fireworks used for Diwali

One bloke is annoyed that all the fireworks were used up by folk celebrating Diwali. He is worried about none being left for 5th November.

By Eli Twonk

November 1, 2025November 1, 2025

Meerkat character from compare the market.com adverts. A furry meerkat wearing a smoking jacket and cravat holding up in a book with books on shelves in the background.

General

Sarah Pochin takes aim at meerkats

She is angry at car insurance adverts that imply that bald white men don’t make suitable employees.

By Eli Twonk

November 1, 2025November 1, 2025