Eli Twonk – The Daily Twerk

Don’t Panic!

If your phone is making a strange sound right now then that is perfectly normal – unless it sounds like Coldplay. In which case seek help.

By Eli Twonk

September 7, 2025September 7, 2025

An Asian woman speaking in the House of Commons. She has dark shoulder length hair. Wearing a white jacket with a black top. — Image: House of Commons

Politics

New Home Secretary reassures flag fans

Shabana Mahmood has quickly announced that there will be no reduction in the amount of flagging under her watch. Flag shaggers rejoice.

By Eli Twonk

September 6, 2025September 6, 2025

A pair of large knickers with a union jack design

General

Home Secretary makes more flag confessions. Eww!

Cooper was holding back when she listed the flags in her house. Now flag fans are feeling queasy.

By Eli Twonk

September 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Mother looking at laptop while two young children are running around behind her — Photo by Ketut Subiyanto: https://www.pexels.com/photo/kids-making-noise-and-disturbing-mom-working-at-home-4474035/

Life Style

Parents celebrating start of school

For parents who are down to their last reserves of energy the return to school is a blessed relief.

By Eli Twonk

September 2, 2025September 3, 2025

Apple Macintosh with Windows 95 update installation pack, MS-DOS 6 installation pack.

Science

BBC fails – Windows 95 anniversary

The BBC Breakfast show celebrated the anniversary of Windows 95 today, and of course they needed some props in the studio. Can you spot the mistake?

By Eli Twonk

August 29, 2025August 30, 2025

Sign for a National Rifle Association building — artpictures.club/autumn-2023.html

General

NRA forgets to rise up against tyrannical government

The gun lobby through the NRA has promoted the idea of people being armed ready to rise up against tyranny. Turns out that they quite like tyranny.

By Eli Twonk

August 28, 2025September 3, 2025

Presidents Putin and Trump shaking hands.

Politics

Trump meets Putin for his performance review

Trump is no different to anybody else and has to undergo the ritual nonsense of the performance review.

By Eli Twonk

August 17, 2025August 17, 2025

A large section of a hillside on fire during day time. Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh

General

Scottish volcano eruption still cause for concern

The eruption of a long dormant volcano in a large Scottish city is being monitored closely.

By Eli Twonk

August 11, 2025August 15, 2025

Blonde woman with no brains in front of lots of microphones.

Politics

Marjorie Taylor Greene leaving GOP? Other parties express interest

MJT looking at offers from the Flat Earth Society, the Chemtrails Consortium and QAnon.

By Eli Twonk

August 5, 2025August 15, 2025

A line of police officers with helmets and riot shields being attacked by racist thugs.

Advice

Tips for keeping communities safe – try not rioting

Mothers have been reaching out for advice on keeping their community safe. Radicals suggest cut back on the rioting.

By Eli Twonk

August 2, 2025August 15, 2025