Eli Twonk – The Daily Twerk

Nigel Farage looking angry while holding a sign saying "stop the woke notes" There is a light blue background with a picture of a five pound note featuring Winston Churchill in the top left corner

General

Farage slams more Green wokery

Frog-faced fascist slams open public consultation over redesign of bank notes. Greens blamed for cancelling Churchill.

By Eli Twonk

March 14, 2026March 14, 2026

Distant view of black smoke rising from a building - the Qeshm desalination facility in Iran.

Iran War

WMD neutralised in Iran – the world can rest easy

In a decisive attack a Weapon of Mass Desalination has been destroyed in Iran. The region is no longer threatened by the horror of fresh water.

By Eli Twonk

March 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Matt Goodwin standing at a lectern with the text - Gorton & Denton needs reform. Background is a light blue poster with the text Britain needs Reform — Facebook | Matt Goodwin

Politics

Reform declare Matt Goodwin Shadow MP

With stoic good grace Farage accepted the by-election defeat and declared Matt Goodwin to be the Shadow MP for Gorton and Denton.

By Eli Twonk

February 28, 2026February 28, 2026

Mona Lisa painting on gallery wall with large crowd of people in the foreground taking photos of it on mobile phones. — Photo by Sena Aykut : https://www.pexels.com/photo/crowd-admiring-mona-lisa-at-the-louvre-museum-35547529/

Life Style

Art lover captures intimate moment with a sh*tty photo

Visitor to the Louvre has intimate moment with the Mona Lisa and only 98 other people. She captures the moment for posterity.

By Eli Twonk

January 31, 2026January 31, 2026

Crowds of people gathered in Minnesota State Capitol as part of the national “No Kings” day of protes

General

Minneapolis protesters still waiting for payments

Protestors are still waiting for their payments for the No Kings Day protests. Uncertainty regarding overtime and hourly rates believed to be cause of delay.

By Eli Twonk

January 29, 2026January 29, 2026

General

Trump supports search for extraterrestrials

With civil war brewing as well as war with former US allies he is running out of options for his war mongering. He is hoping to declare war on another planet.

By Eli Twonk

January 29, 2026January 29, 2026

Night scene of Caracas with a large explosion in the distance. — BBC

Politics

Trump still hoping for Peace Prize as there was no act of war

Despite the deaths of Venezuelan soldiers and innocent civilians along with the kidnap of the president it was a special military operation and not war.

By Eli Twonk

January 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Nigel Farage, knob head in a black suit, white shirt and a red tie standing at a podium behind a sign 'ReformUK'

Politics

Farage definitely not working for Putin

Voting against plans to tackle Russian interference in EU parliament and a party member in prison for taking Russian bribes not for Putin’s benefits.

By Eli Twonk

December 31, 2025December 31, 2025

Politics

Exclusive picture of the truck containing evidence of 2020 rigged election

The tangerine sh!t gibbon has announced he has a truckload of evidence of vote rigging during the 2020 election. We have managed to get a photo of the truck.

By Eli Twonk

December 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Screen grab of an imbecile chemtrail idiot talking over a video of perfectly normal clouds

Science

Chemtrail shock ingredient

Scientists discover that chemtrails contain retardium chlorate which has a devastating effect when inhaled by people who ate crayons at school.

By Eli Twonk

December 15, 2025December 15, 2025