Eli Twonk – The Daily Twerk

Night scene of Caracas with a large explosion in the distance. — BBC

Politics

Trump still hoping for Peace Prize as there was no act of war

Despite the deaths of Venezuelan soldiers and innocent civilians along with the kidnap of the president it was a special military operation and not war.

By Eli Twonk

January 7, 2026January 7, 2026

Nigel Farage, knob head in a black suit, white shirt and a red tie standing at a podium behind a sign 'ReformUK'

Politics

Farage definitely not working for Putin

Voting against plans to tackle Russian interference in EU parliament and a party member in prison for taking Russian bribes not for Putin’s benefits.

By Eli Twonk

December 31, 2025December 31, 2025

Toy truck in front of its box

Politics

Exclusive picture of the truck containing evidence of 2020 rigged election

The tangerine sh!t gibbon has announced he has a truckload of evidence of vote rigging during the 2020 election. We have managed to get a photo of the truck.

By Eli Twonk

December 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Screen grab of an imbecile chemtrail idiot talking over a video of perfectly normal clouds

Science

Chemtrail shock ingredient

Scientists discover that chemtrails contain retardium chlorate which has a devastating effect when inhaled by people who ate crayons at school.

By Eli Twonk

December 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Pornster Bonnie Blue surrounded by four uninformed officers wearing navy blue shirts and trousers with blue protective gloves on their hands. — X | Bonnie Blue

General

Reform finally receives credible endorsement

Performance artist Bonnie Blue has declared her support for Reform UK Ltd. She is attracted by the large number of members.

By Eli Twonk

December 13, 2025December 13, 2025

Screen grab of Reform UK Facebook post with a picture of Nigel Farage. Message text: Reform UK are pleased to announce we have opened a bank account with Lloyds. This is a landmark moment for the professionalisation of out party. The word party has a strike through it and the text added - private limited company.

Politics

Farage can now clean out under his bed

With great fanfare Reform announced they have finally established a bank account – seven years after setting up the company.

By Eli Twonk

December 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Montagu family outside their 16th century manor house. Mother and father with their four children.

Family planning how to survive Mansion Tax

Cutting back on ski trips, lattes and smashed avocados are top of the list. Lee 30p Anderson is helping with meal plans.

By Eli Twonk

December 4, 2025December 4, 2025

Book cover featuring a photo of Donald Trump. Title is Trump the art of the capitulation

General

Trump relaunches his book

Just in time for his Ukrainian peace deal, Trump launches an update of his seminal book with a new title. The Art of the Capitulation.

By Eli Twonk

November 23, 2025November 23, 2025

Entrance to Cameron Barracks army accommodation base. Double black steel gates between sturdy stone pillars. A steel arched sign over the gates carries the name - Cameron Barracks

General

Stick migrants in barracks – no not those ones!

Calls for migrants to be moved from hotels to army camps have been heeded, but folk still are not happy.

By Eli Twonk

November 19, 2025November 19, 2025

Dark Cloudy sky over mountains and hills

General

Aurora UK, whoopty f#cking do

While the rest of the world are sharing stunning aurora photos the UK are pretending they were not that bothered.

By Eli Twonk

November 12, 2025November 12, 2025

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