Avoid naff and frankly old fashioned stuff on the table at Christmas. Lots of ‘traditional’ items are marketing or 70s novelty kitsch.
Prawn cocktail
Back in the 60s and 70s when going out for a meal to a Toby Inn was considered posh, the Prawn Cocktail was considered the height of sophistication. It wasn’t then and it isn’t now. Just don’t.
Vol-au-vents
Seriously? A seventies throw back for people aching to appear sophisticated and posh that even the French thought was naff. Save them for the budget buffet work leaving do where their aura of sad disappointment fits the mood.
Cranberry sauce
Hardly anyone eats it at any time of year, so why the sudden need to have it on Christmas Day? Nobody likes it.
Christmas crackers
The traditional ‘surprise’ of a crap trinket, a rubbish joke and a shit hat just doesn’t cut it any more. It’s not traditional. It was invented about 1860 by a Tom Smith, a business man, initially to sell more bon bon sweets. If you have to put these on the table make your own and put miniature bottles of spirits in.
Brussel sprouts
There are a few freakish people who actually like them, but only if they are cooked properly and have a little bit of texture left. As most people boil them to buggery you may as well not bother. If you insist smother them in bacon and chestnuts to hide the flavour.
Christmas cake
Are you still the one serving the slab of thick cake rammed full of currents and sultanas buried under marzipan and icing? If you make it yourself skip the marzipan and icing then serve it lightly fried the next day as a breakfast treat – the Scottish treat known as Clootie dumpling..