Edward Goodinson (63) had history lessons at school and is annoyed that they keep changing things.
Edward opted out of history at 14, and has only visited a few English Heritage sites but can’t help complaining if new insights are revealed.
When someone mentioned that Julius Caesar wasn’t born by caesarian he was apoplectic. “Every one knows he was born by being cut out of his mum’s tummy. That’s why it’s called what it is”. He has no time for people who know that at that time the procedure was performed only when the mother was dead or dying. As his mum lived to see him invade Britain it can’t have happened. No women would have survived the procedure at the time.
“They keep ruining the best bits, like witches being burnt alive at the stake. I don’t want to hear that they were in usually hung in England”.
Admitting that some of his historical knowledge might have comes from watching programms like Monty Python, Edward (Sagittarius) still berates experts who point out that the Spanish Inquisition gave 30 days notice of a meeting.
On talking about his history teacher Edward (smoker since he was 14) became all nostalgic. He was a good old bird. Brought up with the Empire and would tell us how we helped all these countries become civilized. Edward didn’t mention how they made his life a living hell by being disruptive and leaving nails under his car tyres. “In those days the Empire loved us. None of this revisionist Mau-Mau uprising crap”.
So far no one has told him that Edward II probably didn’t die by having a red-hot poker rammed up his back end. That’s his favourite bit of history.