Excruciata Reees-Mog brings the latest celebrity news. Ryan Reynolds has a modern twist on colonic irrigation that is helping with his training. Benedict Cumberbatch says that he was misheard.
Hello my lovelies. Those of you who are a bit more mature might remember that colonic irrigation was an essential part of young ladies routines in the 80s. I’ve had a fair few gallons in my time.
As part of his gruelling gym training to get in condition for Deadpool 3, Ryan Reynolds has rediscovered colonic irrigation and given it a modern twist.
Instead of essential minerals he is using a purée made from turnips. Yes I know yar! Turnip juice. All that extra nutrition and fibre have transformed Mr Reynolds ability to recover from the gruelling gym workouts.
He says he got the idea from Benedict Cumberbatch. When contacted for a comment Mr Cumberbatch said “He misheard me. He was banging on about how hard his days in the gym were and I was getting bored. I just told him to stick a turnip up his arse”. He did wonder whether he should have trademarked turnip colonic irrigation.
How am I getting all these scoops? Well they say a good journalist never reveals their sources. So I had an assistant called Sandra who I had to sack because she got pregnant and was becoming tiresome. When I told her I’d been offered the chance to do celebrity gossip she got interested. I think we are friends now. She said she had a cousin in Hollywood who is providing her with these for me. I was certain her cousin was a.rat catcher who had been arrested for dogging. Must be a different cousin.
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