He is meant to predict how long the winter is going to be. This time he predicted a long and dark winter for the USA for years to come. He asked to go back to sleep and left alone for a few years.
The annual tradition of Groundhog Day took place today at Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. As is tradition Phil, the groundhog, whispered his prediction to Tom Dunkel, President of Punxsutawney Groundhog club, to be translated and proclaimed to the eager crowd. A large crowd had gathered along with national and international media.
Dunkel was listening to Phil for a very long time, sometimes with a furrowed brow. Eventually Dunkel straightened up to face the crowd and the news reporters and camera crews.
He explained that Phil had a lot to say. Dunkel was just going to relay what he said and that Phil would not be answering any questions.
For the farmers of California, you are going to have droughts in the summer and your crops are going to die. All because some enormous bellend ordered that the water from a reservoir reserved for irrigation must be released.
For those school teachers in Kentucky who went on to YouTube to complain that Trump, the imbecile you voted for, was going to cut education spending, you utter morons. If you don’t know that he hates poor people by now then there’s no hope for you.
Trump is going to eviscerate MedicAid so those people who can’t afford health insurance, tough.
Phil’s advice for anyone living near any factories, hold your breath, install an industrial grade water purification system for your tap water and don’t try to grow food in the back garden. Trump will decimate environmental protection so factories can pump out any old shit and nobody will do anything about it.
So, all you chuckleheads who voted for Trump, he doesn’t give a fuck about you and will shaft you while making sure that his chums get richer. It’ll be a shit show so I’m going to hibernate for the next four years. Don’t fuck it up next time
By the way, the Bill Murray character in that movie was actually a weird stalker.