The blanket coverage of the impending Coronation is starting. What shops that are left are filling up with Corotat. Television programmes about the previous Coronation are appearing. How to survive it.
There’s no avoiding the fact that commerce, newspapers and TV channels love a big royal event.They know when it is, who’s involved, where it’ll be and what will be happening. It will also be colourful with lot’s of gowns and uniforms. For this one there’s also the frisson of the black sheep of the family, namely Harry and Andrew.
Souvenirs
There will be lots of these from the more ‘classy’ porcelain mugs, commemorative stamps, special coins and Highhrove Coronation Whisky, to the cheap mugs, hats, books, gloves and Coronation thongs. Newspapers will also do special features for you to pull out to save for prosperity.
Do not get any of these things thinking ‘they’ll be worth something one day’. They won’t. You can get a King George VI Coronation mug from 1937 on eBay for £5, which is about what it cost 86 years ago. The newspaper pull out will lie at the bottom of a pile of random shit which your children will have to sort through when you die. It will end up in the recycling so do the smart thing now.
Television coverage
The main channels are filling up with stuff like the reminiscences of Lady Barbara Dumpling who was one of the Queen’s bridesmaids, or ‘what the corgis did that day’. If you have not got a smart TV with access to BBC iPlayer or ITVx, now is the time to get one. Maybe subscribe to a streaming service.
This is also a great time to pick up a hobby or learn that language you always convinced yourself you were going to do. Knitting, making puppets, juggling, speaking Klingon. Training for a marathon is good. You don’t actually have to do one, just pretend.
On the day
Most of the shops are likely to be closed, buses and trains will be on limited schedules.Many large towns and cities will have road closures to accommodate parades and parties. Pubs are likely to be decorated and putting on events or screenings on the day so avoid these like the plague. Those restaurants that are open will be cashing in with decorations and special menus.
It’s not too late to book a few days away in another country.
If you are lucky enough to own an allotment then pack some sandwiches and a thermos and disappear for the day. This might be a good time to explore a national park, but set out early to guarantee a parking spot. Some lucky people will spend the day on a boat drifting along the river.