Bloke falls for the ‘tell me your darkest secrets’ gaffe

The first flush of a new romance usually includes reveals. One bloke forgot to be selective about his darkest secrets. Her dark secret was nicking her friends crisps from her lunch box. Him fancying her sister wasn’t the worst revelation.

Last year Phil McKaverty unexpectedly fell in love with a delightful woman called Sally. They walked in the park holding hands, they lingered over skinny lattes gazing into each other’s eyes and coped over videos of cute kittens together.

After six weeks they had shared a lovely meal and were on their second glass of wine. The conversation had flowed effortlessly. The evening seemed magical and full of infinite possibilities. Putting on a mock serious face Sally locked eyes with Phil and adopted a stern tone, “So Mr McKaverty. I think it is time you told me darkest secrets”.

Phil contemplated the proposition for a moment and decided that if this was the woman he would spend his life with then he should be honest. Yep. He actually decided that.

“Well..”, he started, “I used to light my farts. I know. Who knew that really worked!”. So intently was he gazing at her eyes he failed to notice the expression of distaste on her face.

Emboldened he continued, “What else? Oh yes, I find your sister seriously hot. I do occasionally think about sex with her, although I wouldn’t ever do it”. At this point he became a bit disconnected while he focused on things to tell her. “As a child me and a mate used to blow up frogs with bangers. It was really gross when we got a good one to really explode. Oh, and we once smeared our own shit on some door handles. That was a bit bad”.

Sensing he had been hogging the conservation, he asked her what her dark secrets were.

Pale and horrified she murmured about the time she nicked a packet of crisps from a friend’s lunch box.

Phil is now single again and has vowed that he has learnt his lesson about over sharing. He is also taking dating advice from an expert.

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Karsic Karl

From Bristol I have a particular interest in gaming, pizza and energy drinks. Keeping up to date with technology and the dystopian invasion of the internet of things and subscriotion based basic services.

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